If Only Tears
by KiNGz-FAn-16
Summary: Set 3 weeks after OoTP. A songfic to the Midnight Sons song


A/N: Hey! You're reading my fic! ^_^ Hope you like it…I actually wrote this one awhile back after I read OoTP…But I'm only just getting around to posting it now. Sorry! Hope you like it, and please review!!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters or storylines…Those all belong to the brilliant mind of JKR herself. And the song is "If Only Tears Could Bring You Back" by Midnight Sons. Enjoy!**

If Only Tears Could Bring You Back

by KiNGz-Fan-16

It's been 3 weeks since Harry had come back to his horrible aunt and uncle at Privet Drive. Like every summer, he was miserable. _At least they didn't lock my trunk away_, Harry thought.

Apparently, the Order's threats had stuck in the Dursleys' minds. They allowed Harry to have his things in his room, except for his Firebolt. Hedwig was available for owl post, but he didn't feel like sending letters. Harry had received mail from his friends, but he still had a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. Trying not to think about the Department of Mysteries, Harry opened his trunk and began looking for a book on Quidditch.

He dug through robes and quills and school books when he stopped. He had dug to the bottom of the side of this trunk when he saw the broken glass…the remaining shards of the two-way mirror his godfather had given him…Abandoning all thoughts of Quidditch, Harry picked several shards up and stared at the broken reflection looking back at him. He wanted so much to not feel the pain and emptiness…

            _How will I start_

_            Tomorrow without you here_

_            Who's heart will guide me_

_            When all the answers disappear_

Harry signed and shifted the broken pieces carefully around in his hand. Guilt flooded his conscience and soon it swept over his mind. Why did he feel so guilty? _Because it was your stupidity that killed Sirius_, a voice in the back of his head nagged. _You dragged him into this when he really had no reason to be involved…Just like it was with Cedric…_

            _Is it too late_

_            Are you too far gone to stay_

_            This one's forever_

_            Should never have to go away_

Harry shook his head. _No, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time,_ he argued silently.

_Because of you!_ the other voice continued.

Frustrated, Harry closed his eyes and clenched his fists, hoping to clear his mind. That voice could be Voldemort…

His eyes slowly opened and he brought his right fist up, opening it gradually. The blood shone red and the pain seared through his palm. Harry dropped the pieces to the floor and grabbed an old shirt from under his bed to stop the bleeding.

That voice wasn't Voldemort, and he knew that. That voice…It was his own conscience telling him he was at fault. But Harry knew he couldn't go on like this, blaming himself every two seconds. Sirius had been his godfather and friend. He was also the one who knew Harry's dad the best. Suddenly, it sank deeper into Harry—Lupin was the only Marauder left. Pettigrew wasn't even worth counting. But Lupin…Oh God, how was he taking it? 

            _What will I do_

_            You know I'm only half without you_

_            How will I make it through_

Nothing was going right anymore. First, his parents died…then he watched Quirrel suffer at the hand of Voldemort…He witnessed Cedric's unnecessary murder…And now Sirius was gone forever…

            _If only tears could bring you back to me_

_            If only love could find a way_

_            What I would do, what I would give_

_            If you returned to me someday_

_            Somehow, someway_

_            If my tears could bring you back to me_

At Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the Order was just settling down for the night. Upstairs, Lupin could faintly hear Mad-Eye, Arthur, and the rest of them talking…but he had no desire to join them. He was staring out the window at the dark navy sky. There were barely any stars and the half moon was covered with moving gray clouds. 

"Remus?" It was Tonks standing at the doorway. Through the darkness of the room, she saw Lupin standing by the window, his face towards the sky. "Remus, I know what you're thinking about, and—"

"I wasn't," said Lupin simply.

Tonks sniffed and he could tell she had been crying. "Oh, I just thought…" I mean, it's been on all of your minds. I was thinking about something he once sad and…I don't even know why I'm crying. I barely knew him, but still—"

"He died a hero's death. And I wasn't thinking about him," he insisted quietly. 

"You're sad, I know it."

"Of course I am. He was one of my closest friends."

"I haven't seen you cry. Not once," Tonks said confused. She didn't understand how he could remain so calm through such a tragedy. Lupin didn't reply. 

            _I'd cry you an ocean_

_            If you'd sail on home again_

_            Wings of emotion_

_            Will carry you, I know they can_

"Tears will not bring him to life again," Lupin sighed.

Tonks looked down. An awkward silence filled the room. "I should get to bed." She turned to go and when he said nothing, she left. _I guess tears aren't the only signs of remorse_, she thought. _Or grief. Or sadness._

            _Just light will guide you_

_            And your heart will chart the course_

_            Soon you'll be drifting_

_            Into the arms of your true north_

Lupin turned his head slightly and saw that she was gone. He turned his head back to the sky. The clouds slowly drifted apart to reveal the shining silver moon. It wasn't full, but Lupin still felt a shiver down his spine.

And as the moonlight grazed Lupin's gentle face, fresh, silent tears continued to fall as they had done so for the past hour or so. _Why did you leave, Padfoot?_

            _Look in my eyes_

_            And you will see a million tears have gone by_

_            And still they're not dry_

Elsewhere in the house, Ron was trying to sleep but being inside the old Black house reminded him of the horror they had faced just weeks ago and the tragedy that would now fully sink in. Ron hadn't thought much about Sirius's death until the latest tear-splotched letter he had received from Hermione…

_Dear Ron,_

_Hello, how are you doing? I'm looking forward to seeing you, Harry, and everyone else again. Although I am worried about Harry…Have you heard from him lately? He really seems to be shutting everyone out of his life. He's had a lot to go through though…_

_I've just been really thinking about Sirius…I can't believe he's really gone. I can't imagine what Harry and Lupin are going through. It must be horrible. I wish there was something I could do, but all it seems I've been able to do is cry…_

_I look forward to meeting up again._

_Love from, Hermione._

And Ron knew she felt helpless. Hermione always wanted to help. Now there was nothing she could do…And there was nothing he could do to help her…

            _If only tears could bring you back to me_

_            If only love could find a way_

_            What I would do, what I would give_

_            If you returned to me someday_

_            Somehow, someway_

_            If my tears could bring you back to me_

The bleeding had nearly stopped in Harry's hand as he removed the remaining pieces of glass from his trunk. He wasn't ready to throw them away, but he didn't know what else to do.

Harry arranged the pieces on his bed. He could imagine Sirius's face staring back at him. He wanted so much to talk to Sirius and see him alive. Carefully, Harry gathered all of the broken shards from the floor and began to wrap them up in the brown paper Sirius had used to wrap the mirror in the first place.

He quickly turned his face away so that the tears wouldn't soak through the paper. _Don't cry_, he told himself. _Just_…"Don't," he said aloud.

            _I hold you close_

_            And shout the words I only whispered before_

_            For one more chance, for one last dance_

_            There's nothing that I would not give and more_

Despite his efforts to hold the emotions in, the tears fell harder. Harry couldn't remember the last time he had cried so much…Not when Ron had sacrificed himself in the giant chess game…Not when the basilisk had almost killed him…Not even when Pettigrew was revealed he had helped to bring Voldemort back to life. After all that Harry had been through, he thought that he'd be stronger…

Harry wanted to give up. He couldn't fight and expect to win. He was just one teenage boy. What chance did he have?

He turned back to his open trunk and saw a shiny gold Galleon…It was the one Hermione had enchanted for every member of the D.A.

And that's when he realized he wasn't alone. He knew he had his friends by him no matter what. Harry took the enchanted Galleon and tossed it up and down in his uncut, left hand. The tears slowed as he stared absentmindedly at the opposing wall.

            _If only tears could bring you back to me_

_            If only love could find a way_

_            What I would do, what I would give_

_            If you returned to me someday_

_            Somehow, someway…_

A small smile flickered across Harry's face as he thought about the D.A., all of his friends, and everything he had to look forward to at Hogwarts. The tears slowed and were gone for now, but Harry knew there'd be more.

Sirius had not died in vain, but in fact, he had died heroically. "_He died in battle, an' tha's the way he'd've wanted ter go…_" Harry remembered Hagrid had said.

Harry tossed the Galleon back into his trunk, turned off the light, and lay down. It was only the beginning of the many sleepless nights to come…

_…If my tears could bring you back…_

_… to me…_

**Plz r/r!  Thanks for reading!**

**~KiNGz-FAn-16**


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